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Nicotine.Head
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Apr 2007
Location: Wandering.
Posts: 3003

Unhappy I need advice...

... and I can't think of a better place to confess than here since I've been a part of this forum for approx. thirteen years.

My thing is very simple and very dumb:I have no idea who I am.

I've been always struggling with having no idea what to do in life in general, meaning, I have no real passion.

I have had anxiety and depression slowly creeping up on me ever since I was sixteen. It took me six long years until I finally got the medical attention I needed. I've been on SSRIs for three years and quit a year and a half ago.

I have been rather happy being stuck in a corporate job which I really had no interest in but the money was fine and the people I worked with were okay too. I have had a steady relationship for over four years, we live together in a new apartment and all is fine.

Except I have this underlying anxiety that everything is wrong.

I have since transferred to a new job that I SHOULD be doing since it's an editing job overlapping with social media – I have studied journalism, this is what I think I should be doing.

The job has completely stressed me out throughout the first year and made me exhausted, burst into tears randomly and generally unhappy... But I feel like the thing is somewhat more complex.

My self-esteem was never high, I don't really know what I am good at. I always thought it should be writing but I have no idea if I'm good at anything. I have spiraled into anxiety again, mainly due to the unpleasant and stressful nature of my job.

Add the fact that I've had some problems with drinking and I have decided this January that I am quitting drinking for good. I haven't had a drop since.

I've been running regularly over the past year and I ran 10k last month and I really like it.

But I feel like I keep fixing things that are just symptoms. Like painting over a crack in the wall.

The thing is.. no matter what I do, what habits I quit, what stuff I start doing, I am still somewhat LOST. I don't know if any of this is good, if I want to be here, if this is taking me anywhere.

I have this crippling fear that I am stuck in a job that I really don't like but I have no idea what else I'm supposed to do because I am not really good at anything (or haven't really found it).

I am in this stable relationship with a person that I love but still have thoughts about other people (that I have acted on, numerously in the past – quitting drinking helped that immensely). I still feel like there is so much to live through. I feel like having an open relationship. But not even I know how I'd feel about that.

I want to go abroad. Maybe. I don't know.



BOTTOM LINE (TL;DR): Have you ever been lost so much that you truly had no idea what to do, where you were or who you were? If so, what helped you? Where did you look? Have you read a book that gave you an interesting take on things? I have no idea what to feel anymore. I am truly and completely lost for the first time in my life.

And yes, I already have an appointment with my shrink on Monday. After 18 months.

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Old Post 10-14-2017 08:42 PM
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Ninx<3
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Oct 2008
Location: Slovenia
Posts: 3066

This was really interesting to read, how you feel so alone in this... but I just think we're all lost. At least at some point in your life you have to get a little lost, and when you're lost enough you sometimes find yourself. CHEESY AF i know.

I have no idea what I want to do with my life either, but I take each day at a time, and I try to tell myself that baby steps are okay. It's still progress. I know I want to travel, I know calligraphy and music make me happy, I know I study English language bc I'm a bit of a grammar Nazi. And I remind myself every day to be grateful for all the things that I'm able to do - all of my hobbies and my studies, and even work. And even if I don't know where I am going, I still know where I came from, so I try to spend a lot of time with my family/loved ones. (awww )

In your case, quitting drinking (well done yay!) is obviously just a small part of the puzzle, a baby step. But it's progress, so just keep going and keep your head up.

As far as jobs go, you obviously have some idea of what you want to do, but I guess you're kind of like me. If you somehow subconsciously know that you're even a little passionate about sth, you're going to freak out over it - anxiety attacks, panic attacks, you name it. I usually try to go for a walk and calm down. At the end of the day everything's gonna work out fine.

TL;DR: You're not alone in this. Keep your head up and remind yourself that baby steps are fine. It doesn't matter how fast you make progress, so long as you make it.

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Old Post 10-15-2017 01:06 AM
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N@tasha
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Sep 2008
Location: NeverNeverLand
Posts: 8055

Oh fack. This is the worst thing. You don't know if that's all from life.. if you are you, if it's supposed to head that way with those people.
And you will never know that. You will never really know if you are trully happy. If the person next to you is the real one. And maybe you should have an open relationship or think about other people. If it makes you better, or happy.
We are all lost here. At the end of the day we are all alone in this world. I got lost too on the road, and maybe i'm still lost but the thought that i'm not alone in this makes me calm.
I have no idea how to help you. Except i give you the comfort of knowing that my life hasn't turned up the way i planned it. But then again i had no big plans or anything, i never knew what i wanted. I was facked from the very beginning so i lived because people around me were living.
These little passions, these small things like for example this forum and being a good supportive person made me have some perspective and path.
This is all too short so why do we bother making it so dramatic and painful? Life is about the small things so start there.
Quit your job if you hate it, same goes for your relationship. Go to some trip, try to meet some new good people. I hope we all find ourselves some day.

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Old Post 10-15-2017 01:24 AM
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» Dani
Moderator

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: Sweden.
Posts: 54566

I don't really see this as being lost. Honestly. I just maybe think you're being too hard on yourself? No?

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Old Post 10-15-2017 03:18 AM
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purple18
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Jan 2007
Location: Hungary
Posts: 14090

quote:
Originally posted by Ninx<3
This was really interesting to read, how you feel so alone in this... but I just think we're all lost. At least at some point in your life you have to get a little lost, and when you're lost enough you sometimes find yourself. CHEESY AF i know.

I have no idea what I want to do with my life either, but I take each day at a time, and I try to tell myself that baby steps are okay. It's still progress. I know I want to travel, I know calligraphy and music make me happy, I know I study English language bc I'm a bit of a grammar Nazi. And I remind myself every day to be grateful for all the things that I'm able to do - all of my hobbies and my studies, and even work. And even if I don't know where I am going, I still know where I came from, so I try to spend a lot of time with my family/loved ones. (awww )

In your case, quitting drinking (well done yay!) is obviously just a small part of the puzzle, a baby step. But it's progress, so just keep going and keep your head up.

As far as jobs go, you obviously have some idea of what you want to do, but I guess you're kind of like me. If you somehow subconsciously know that you're even a little passionate about sth, you're going to freak out over it - anxiety attacks, panic attacks, you name it. I usually try to go for a walk and calm down. At the end of the day everything's gonna work out fine.

TL;DR: You're not alone in this. Keep your head up and remind yourself that baby steps are fine. It doesn't matter how fast you make progress, so long as you make it.

very well put. I also feel that we all experience this to some extent at some point in our lives.

Also, i know what you feel because i am hyperaware and hypersensitive too but we need to teach ourselves that other people scrutinize us and our work waaaaaay less than we imagine.

On the other hand, you should just do whatever makes you happy. A job is just a job, money is just money, where you live is just a place but what really matters is people you spend your life with. So the only thing that you really should try to work out is your relationship imo.

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Old Post 10-15-2017 09:26 AM
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Ninx<3
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Oct 2008
Location: Slovenia
Posts: 3066

quote:
Originally posted by purple18
very well put. I also feel that we all experience this to some extent at some point in our lives.

Also, i know what you feel because i am hyperaware and hypersensitive too but we need to teach ourselves that other people scrutinize us and our work waaaaaay less than we imagine.

On the other hand, you should just do whatever makes you happy. A job is just a job, money is just money, where you live is just a place but what really matters is people you spend your life with. So the only thing that you really should try to work out is your relationship imo.



<3

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Old Post 10-15-2017 05:06 PM
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Black_Keyz
Moderator

Registered: May 2011
Location: United States
Posts: 6570

First, you told me you were single when we hooked up last year so shame on you sis. Second, what’s life without a little uncertainty?

You’re on a hamster wheel. I think a lot of people are. We’re running our asses off without going anywhere and no idea where to go without realizing that it doesn’t matter because the wheel never ends.

Can you get off the wheel? You can. But then you have to be prepare for a new course, one that doesn’t repeat itself. One that does have a destination and brings new consequences and challenges and rewards.

What I do when I hold the blade to my wrist is I take inventory of what I’ve got. If you’re employed, have food to eat and a roof over your head, you’re not doing too badly. Everything else is just icing on the cake. The small details of life that make us different from everybody else going through the grind.

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Old Post 10-15-2017 06:34 PM
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N@tasha
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Sep 2008
Location: NeverNeverLand
Posts: 8055

quote:
Originally posted by Black_Keyz
What I do when I hold the blade to my wrist is I take inventory of what I’ve got. If you’re employed, have food to eat and a roof over your head, you’re not doing too badly. Everything else is just icing on the cake. The small details of life that make us different from everybody else going through the grind.


In this era of a tech driver world, and not many emotions in the relationships we engage in, it's no wonder we lose interest in the things that are supposed to fill us with joy and make us love life. We lose ourselves because it's very easy to do so. We have everything in our hands, without a clue how to enjoy it.

Our grandparents, even our parents were so much happier at our age. They were driven, brave and had a somewhat plan in life. They got married young, had many obligations and were very modest. Going on a vacation or having a fancy car was a luxury for them.

I think knowing that life is very easy, and that we can live without rules and having so much more entertainment around us, makes us greedy and without a clue how to spend our days properly. Sad, when you think about it.

Last edited by N@tasha on 10-16-2017 at 05:39 PM

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Old Post 10-16-2017 05:35 PM
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Kr@zy4P!nk
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Aug 2009
Location: 'Merica's Dumpsterfire
Posts: 3623

quote:
Originally posted by Black_Keyz
First, you told me you were single when we hooked up last year so shame on you sis.




oooo scandalous.

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Old Post 10-16-2017 05:54 PM
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Little_Peculiar
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Feb 2008
Location: Sweden
Posts: 18554

Whats important to you when it comes to work?

Things seem very flat and easy when we just list them as accomplishments.

When i was younger i saw myself studying to become "something", to gain a title to brag about i guess, as thats what people do. You know what i work with now since many years?

Im a cleaner. And i gotta say, i dont ever want to quit. When im not at work i can get excited thinking about going there, i doubt many people can relate to that feeling.

If your unhappy with your job, start looking around for something that feels better. Go with your gut, it knows better than your brain.



Keep off alcohol and other drugs, it wont help your anxiety to be near it. But do you think you should consider meds again?

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Old Post 10-17-2017 07:20 PM
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Nicotine.Head
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Apr 2007
Location: Wandering.
Posts: 3003

Thanks Y'ALL <3 <3 <3

Whenever I feel down, I go through this thread and remind myself that it's all a journey, we're ultimately nothing and yet you all warm my heart. Thanks so much.

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Old Post 10-29-2017 10:35 PM
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Black_Keyz
Moderator

Registered: May 2011
Location: United States
Posts: 6570

quote:
Originally posted by Nicotine.Head
Thanks Y'ALL <3 <3 <3

Whenever I feel down, I go through this thread and remind myself that it's all a journey, we're ultimately nothing and yet you all warm my heart. Thanks so much.

You’re welcome. Now get naked, hoe

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Old Post 10-30-2017 11:37 AM
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» Dani
Moderator

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: Sweden.
Posts: 54566

quote:
Originally posted by Black_Keyz
You’re welcome. Now get naked, hoe


From a moderator to another; behave!

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Old Post 10-30-2017 12:06 PM
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Black_Keyz
Moderator

Registered: May 2011
Location: United States
Posts: 6570

quote:
Originally posted by » Dani
From a moderator to another; behave!
Whatchu going to do about it?

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Old Post 10-30-2017 12:10 PM
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charl!e
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Oct 2006
Location: BbEelLGgIiUuMm
Posts: 17249

hey man. this is exactly what society these days makes us believe.
Everyone is putting their best lives out on social media. We all seem so happy and have a job we love to do.
or at least that is what they/we/everyone makes us believe, or that is what most people - who feel 'lost' or whatever you name it - start comparing with. (GUILTY)

it's one of the main reasons people feel empty or useless these days. BUT YOU SHOULD NOT ! of course it's easier said than done.. but really. it is what it is. sounds kinda boring, i know. I don't like it myself either, but I think once you start accepting this life it does feel better not having to worry about it. or at least.. that kinda helps for me
You do have a job, and you have the money to keep going. some people can only wish for a decent job you know.. Find a balance between looking for what you love and enjoying yourself at the same time.. you'll be fine! x

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Old Post 10-30-2017 06:08 PM
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