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Black_Keyz
Moderator

Registered: May 2011
Location: United States
Posts: 6567

quote:
Originally posted by Nicotine.Head
I have a subconscious need to be adored by strangers. I don't think it has to do anything with my man.
Become YouTube famous smh. Or Instagram famous. Just act stupid or be half naked and you'll have all kinds of people going "yaaaasss Simon you look soooo good you're beautiful"

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Old Post 04-10-2016 03:49 AM
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Nicotine.Head
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Apr 2007
Location: Wandering.
Posts: 3003

Y'all three are right.

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Old Post 04-10-2016 09:22 AM
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Buffy
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Feb 2003
Location: Belgium
Posts: 11567

Job hunting, fun fun fun ...

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Old Post 04-14-2016 09:55 PM
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ShinyToyGun
Platinum Level

Registered: May 2008
Location: in the forest
Posts: 1774

quote:
Originally posted by Dani
I don't think you're the only one who feels this way.


everyone wants to feel loved

you know when you settle with someone and you stop looking for attention... and out of the blue someone hits on you...

best feeling ever. you just gotta draw a line

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Old Post 04-19-2016 10:01 PM
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cervin
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Jul 2006
Location: here
Posts: 8596

I am so sick of this stupid election... It's dividing everyone... Lol I've lost a lot of friends because I cannot support trump... Hurry up November!

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Old Post 10-11-2016 09:56 PM
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AlrightSir
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Dec 2009
Location: Hungary
Posts: 4633

quote:
Originally posted by Nicotine.Head
I have a subconscious need to be adored by strangers. I don't think it has to do anything with my man.
All of us needs some positive feedback, that's absolutely fine. For me the feeling that I would be able to do something is enough, but obviously I'm not doing it. I would never cheat on someone.

If you feel insecure, work on yourself first. You shouldn't get validation from others, it should come from inside.

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Old Post 10-12-2016 08:46 AM
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AlrightSir
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Dec 2009
Location: Hungary
Posts: 4633

Without any notice he was gone to work somewhere else. I got really sick the same day. Next day we talked, I told him. Next day he asked me how I was, in the middle of my sentence he started talking about himself. Next day he started ranting about a guy who he thought was hitting on him at work, touching him, and he asked me what to do with him. Seriously. To make me jealous? Just like we're 14s. I got angry. Then we can barely speak, I'm sitting home, doing nothing because I'm still sick, he's working but he never knows when and where he will on the next day. He usually do night shifts. We can't talk about anything on the phone. He blames me for not writing to him 7/24, not calling him. I can't really talk about anything because this hand-mouth-foot disease got me wrecked in my room but I'm always glad to listen to his work&days. He asks me questions like "do you miss me?". He checkes facebook to see if I were online and why did I not write to him. While he's working.

I miss the times when I could be myself and he could be himself. He needs more talks like "I love you, I miss you, I wanna cuddle with you". All day. I am his everything. He wants me to be his everything. He always wants more. And more. And more. But where am I? Maybe I'm not the person he needs. After 1 year I can't go on and do everything like we'd be 14. I can't run home, cuddle all day and all night, have sex 3 times a day then continue cuddling. I'm just not THAT person. I might not be the person for him. For him there's nothing but me. For me there's the world to discover, friends, family, school, work, hobbies and having fun. I need harmony. I need someone with a stable emotional status, someone I can go home to cuddle, someone who does his own thing and not a puppy who's running after me. I need an equal partner.

He falls apart when we don't see each other. He falls apart when he's not in the center of my attention. With him it comes from deep down, this emotional insecurity and need to have a MAN in his life who acts as a father and tells him every single minute that he's worth it and he's special. He was special for me but now I only feel exhausted by the constant expectations he puts on me. By the constant clinginess, the constant focus on doing everything in my life not to hurt him.

Gosh I was so in love.

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Old Post 10-12-2016 06:43 PM
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grenno
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Mar 2010
Location: buddha's bar mitzvah
Posts: 4343

^ yeah, you have to figure out what you really want and either work on the relationship or, and i know this sounds harsh, better yet end it. it seems like he likes you more than you like him and one-sided love is never good.

the tough part will be to break up as "humane" as possible.

the main thing here is that you don't want to waste his time. if he can find what he is looking for in someone else, if he can find someone who loves him back as much as he loves him, then don't keep this on the backburner any longer, don't make him stick around and make him think that there's still a chance. basically: don't waste his time.

for your sake i hope he will move on quickly and not wallow for too long or even stalk you. he needs to reconnect with his friends that can help ease the pain of a breakup a little.

Last edited by grenno on 10-13-2016 at 07:17 AM

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Old Post 10-13-2016 07:14 AM
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Black_Keyz
Moderator

Registered: May 2011
Location: United States
Posts: 6567

quote:
Originally posted by AlrightSir



Listen buddy, we love you. And your feet are far too sexy to be with a man that needs a babysitter.


Now for my world renowned advice! This isn't on you. I'm not just saying that. He's the kind of person who (until [if] he grows out of it) that always wants reassurance and all this time. I've known men like that and I'm sure everybody else on here has as well. As I'm sure you know, you come first. You cannot be held responsible for his happiness. You've got to make the tough calls on how to lead the best life for you that you can. You need to tell him how you feel and what you would like him to do so that you two can get back to a happier place. He will either take it good or take it bad. If he's unwilling to work with you, you have to end it. If he is willing to try then there is hope and it shows he cares and knows that he has to pull his weight. But even if he says he will change, he has to actually do it. If he doesn't change his behavior, you have to end it. Now, he could listen and change and you'll both be happy. That's the optimum outcome, but there are two heartbreaking outcomes and as is always the case with humans, the bad usually wins.

It helps (it helps me at least) to view these matters like a math problem and remove all the emotional attachment. Step outside of how you feel and look at the situation as a stranger would. You wouldn't deal with somebody like this if you just met them. As humans, we're always reevaluating our relationships with others. We drop friends when they take more than they give or constantly spread our secrets to mutual friends. We spend more time with a coworker and find out that they're funny and smart and then they become our friends. Just because last week was amazing there is no reason for somebody to make your coming weeks miserable.

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Old Post 10-13-2016 11:26 AM
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purple18
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Jan 2007
Location: Hungary
Posts: 14077

quote:
Originally posted by AlrightSir
Without any notice he was gone to work somewhere else. I got really sick the same day. Next day we talked, I told him. Next day he asked me how I was, in the middle of my sentence he started talking about himself. Next day he started ranting about a guy who he thought was hitting on him at work, touching him, and he asked me what to do with him. Seriously. To make me jealous? Just like we're 14s. I got angry. Then we can barely speak, I'm sitting home, doing nothing because I'm still sick, he's working but he never knows when and where he will on the next day. He usually do night shifts. We can't talk about anything on the phone. He blames me for not writing to him 7/24, not calling him. I can't really talk about anything because this hand-mouth-foot disease got me wrecked in my room but I'm always glad to listen to his work&days. He asks me questions like "do you miss me?". He checkes facebook to see if I were online and why did I not write to him. While he's working.

I miss the times when I could be myself and he could be himself. He needs more talks like "I love you, I miss you, I wanna cuddle with you". All day. I am his everything. He wants me to be his everything. He always wants more. And more. And more. But where am I? Maybe I'm not the person he needs. After 1 year I can't go on and do everything like we'd be 14. I can't run home, cuddle all day and all night, have sex 3 times a day then continue cuddling. I'm just not THAT person. I might not be the person for him. For him there's nothing but me. For me there's the world to discover, friends, family, school, work, hobbies and having fun. I need harmony. I need someone with a stable emotional status, someone I can go home to cuddle, someone who does his own thing and not a puppy who's running after me. I need an equal partner.

He falls apart when we don't see each other. He falls apart when he's not in the center of my attention. With him it comes from deep down, this emotional insecurity and need to have a MAN in his life who acts as a father and tells him every single minute that he's worth it and he's special. He was special for me but now I only feel exhausted by the constant expectations he puts on me. By the constant clinginess, the constant focus on doing everything in my life not to hurt him.

Gosh I was so in love.

i'm with you about everything sweetie. first recover from this stupid disease and then start to sort this out with him. he is very unstable and looking for you to secure himself because he loves you so much. i feel you because you are my friend but i also know what he feels because i've been there, he's desperate and wants a lot of affection because he feels like he doesn't get it from anywhere else and turns to you, the person he thinks loves him unconditionally and eternally and endlessly. i'm sure he does not mean bad but i am not okay with you not feeling okay with him. and reading that the love is gone let me know if you wanna talk more on fb.

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Old Post 10-13-2016 01:04 PM
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AlrightSir
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Dec 2009
Location: Hungary
Posts: 4633

Thanks guys for listening & giving advices. We'd talked about it and we try to work things out.

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Old Post 10-23-2016 06:11 PM
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Dani
Moderator

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: Sweden.
Posts: 54514

quote:
Originally posted by AlrightSir
Without any notice he was gone to work somewhere else. I got really sick the same day. Next day we talked, I told him. Next day he asked me how I was, in the middle of my sentence he started talking about himself. Next day he started ranting about a guy who he thought was hitting on him at work, touching him, and he asked me what to do with him. Seriously. To make me jealous? Just like we're 14s. I got angry. Then we can barely speak, I'm sitting home, doing nothing because I'm still sick, he's working but he never knows when and where he will on the next day. He usually do night shifts. We can't talk about anything on the phone. He blames me for not writing to him 7/24, not calling him. I can't really talk about anything because this hand-mouth-foot disease got me wrecked in my room but I'm always glad to listen to his work&days. He asks me questions like "do you miss me?". He checkes facebook to see if I were online and why did I not write to him. While he's working.

I miss the times when I could be myself and he could be himself. He needs more talks like "I love you, I miss you, I wanna cuddle with you". All day. I am his everything. He wants me to be his everything. He always wants more. And more. And more. But where am I? Maybe I'm not the person he needs. After 1 year I can't go on and do everything like we'd be 14. I can't run home, cuddle all day and all night, have sex 3 times a day then continue cuddling. I'm just not THAT person. I might not be the person for him. For him there's nothing but me. For me there's the world to discover, friends, family, school, work, hobbies and having fun. I need harmony. I need someone with a stable emotional status, someone I can go home to cuddle, someone who does his own thing and not a puppy who's running after me. I need an equal partner.

He falls apart when we don't see each other. He falls apart when he's not in the center of my attention. With him it comes from deep down, this emotional insecurity and need to have a MAN in his life who acts as a father and tells him every single minute that he's worth it and he's special. He was special for me but now I only feel exhausted by the constant expectations he puts on me. By the constant clinginess, the constant focus on doing everything in my life not to hurt him.

Gosh I was so in love.



I read this a year later cause I was just gonna confess about something but wow man. It felt like reading about me and my ex. I don't know how you are doing now or what's up, but if it is what I think it is it could be one of the worst personality disorders. You will never feel enough, and won't be able to do or say anything to make him feel better or safer with you. No one can. For me I was his whole world, everything, and I loved him unconditionally. And thought for a year it would be better. Gave my ALL and was always there for him when he needed me, but I had boundaries and was myself 110% and did my "things". He wasn't used to someone so independent that didn't feel the need to talk 24/7. But that's the way I was and if he wanted to be with me he had to accept to meet half way sometimes! However, it ended up that I found out that he was cheating as soon as I was away with my friends having fun or when we were in a fight. He had to secure his validation when I couldn't give it to him. When he felt lonely with his miserable self. Never thought that he would cheat cause he was cheated on once himself and it affected him really much, but never say never. I've learnt that.

I hope it works out for you two, it doesn't have to end the same way as it did for me, but just remember to take care of YOURSELF and don't let it change you! It's not you, it's him.

Last edited by Dani on 08-21-2017 at 09:54 PM

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Old Post 08-21-2017 02:42 AM
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purple18
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Jan 2007
Location: Hungary
Posts: 14077

quote:
Originally posted by Dani
I read this a year later cause I was just gonna confess about something but wow man. It felt like reading about me and my ex. I don't know how you are doing now or what's up, but if it is what I think it is it could be one of the worst personality disorders. You will never feel enough, and won't be able to do or say anything to make him feel better or safer with you. No one can. For me I was his whole world, everything, and I loved him unconditionally. And thought for a year it would be better. Gave my ALL and was always there for him when he needed me, but I had boundaries and was myself 110% and did my "things". He wasn't used to someone so independent that didn't feel the need to talk 24/7. But that's the way I was and if he wanted to be with me he had to accept to meet half way sometimes! However, it ended up that I found out that he was cheating as soon as I was away with my friends having fun or when we were in a fight. He had to secure his validation when I couldn't give it to him. When he felt lonely with his miserable self. Never thought that he would cheat cause he was cheated on once himself and it affected him really much, but never say never. I've learnt that.

I hope it works out for you two, it doesn't have to end the same way as it did for me, but just remember to take care of YOURSELF and don't let it change you! It's not you, it's him.

wow, that's f---ed up. judging by what you said previously he really abused you. hope you feel better soon! the worst part of these assh_les are how they are like "i'm so insecure and i need validation blablabla" but then at the same time they have a HUGE ego and if you criticize or disagree or whatever, they make you believe it's all your fault. they don't deserve to be treated nicely to be honest.

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Old Post 08-23-2017 08:22 AM
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Dani
Moderator

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: Sweden.
Posts: 54514

quote:
Originally posted by purple18
wow, that's f---ed up. judging by what you said previously he really abused you. hope you feel better soon! the worst part of these assh_les are how they are like "i'm so insecure and i need validation blablabla" but then at the same time they have a HUGE ego and if you criticize or disagree or whatever, they make you believe it's all your fault. they don't deserve to be treated nicely to be honest.


There's so much more that I've found out that is just really sick. But lets just not talk about that now. His ego is the biggest ego I have ever experienced in my whole life. Ever. It's always been like "when it's good, it's so good until it goes bad", and then it's really bad. It's been the biggest and longest rollercoaster ride of my life. Can't believe I thought his intentions were good all this time and that he was nice and had a heart. He doesn't. Thanks babe, I'll be fine eventually.

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Old Post 08-23-2017 12:37 PM
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boink
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Sep 2006
Location: -
Posts: 5404

quote:
Originally posted by Dani
There's so much more that I've found out that is just really sick. But lets just not talk about that now. His ego is the biggest ego I have ever experienced in my whole life. Ever. It's always been like "when it's good, it's so good until it goes bad", and then it's really bad. It's been the biggest and longest rollercoaster ride of my life. Can't believe I thought his intentions were good all this time and that he was nice and had a heart. He doesn't. Thanks babe, I'll be fine eventually.


*hugs*

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Old Post 08-23-2017 04:08 PM
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