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purple18
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Jan 2007
Location: Hungary
Posts: 14026

quote:
Originally posted by » Dani
That sounds tough. I'm sorry.

Not want to sound cheesy but Pink made me believe in myself and that I'm perfectly fine with the way I am, with all flaws and imperfections. When she released Miss I barely knew who I was cause of my mom. She always compared me with the "good girls". I didn't know what I liked or wanted because of her either. I just knew I was never enough and would never be anything. But then Pink sang like all about me and my life and taught me that I'm not alone. Also kinda helped me find myself in this mess of **** that I had to deal with every day. To hear someone in your life say "it's ok" is just so little effort but can mean so so much. I mean of course I still am very insecure in and can't handle a lot of situations, but that's ok too. I have finally made peace with myself and accepting myself. It took some years but yes I'm strong enough now to know what I deserve and what I don't deserve. Also my relationship with my mom is amazing. She is not the same at all. She's finally found peace too. I can imagine Pink helped you too a lot in all this you went through. I think actually, that you/we are stronger than we think! ♥

it is very true. actually P!nk definitely helped me through some rough times, mostly by saying it's ok to be a bit weird, not fitting in and it's okay to be different. and she made me a better person in the sense of being an advocate of peace and loving each other and letting everyone just be who they are without boundaries. and most of all i found great friends and a great community where i can be myself and be at ease becasue normally i am a super awkward and weird and introverted person.

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Old Post 09-04-2017 08:46 AM
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nooneanymore
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Sep 2004
Location: Finland
Posts: 20698

quote:
Originally posted by purple18
that is very true.

it made me so sad to read about you being ill Milla you are the kindest person i know and you should never feel anything bad. you definitely make the world a better place just by being you, you know. life is so unfair sometimes. but i am really happy that you feel better now, health-wise and mentally too. <3

the good thing is that we are all young and there is still a full life ahead of us which will probably be full of **** but hopefully wonderful times too, which are worth living for.



Aww, thank you Diana so much. You are so sweet and have always been. <3 I really appreciate it.

I still have a long way to go but it's definitely going in the right direction. One day at a time

You are right! I try to think that way too, even though it has felt so frustrating that I've missed out on so much, there's still so many years left and so much time to experience things.

I am really happy that you are in a much happier and healthier relationship now. I wish you all the best. And hopefully we'll meet again on tour one day, to celebrate being our true, different, goofy and happy selves I love what you said about the pink family. <3

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Old Post 09-05-2017 08:05 PM
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blackrosefore
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Dec 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 4080

quote:
Originally posted by purple18
oh god this is so true. the problem starts when people act bad because they have problems themselves but then at the same time they say "it's because of you that we have problems". and if it is a person you really love you start to accept that and look for a way to fix yourself when there was nothing to fix in the first place. then best thing you can do with these people is get them to seek professional help or if they don't admit that they have a problem, you sadly have to leave because it's a waste of time and energy and most of all, love and pain.


What Diana just said in the above paragraph is my relationship with my mother and my pain and guilt that I have not really escaped from.

I've literally been trying "to fix" myself since childhood....

It's not that I think escape is an 'option.'

Last edited by blackrosefore on 09-07-2017 at 02:15 AM

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Old Post 09-07-2017 01:42 AM
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blackrosefore
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Dec 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 4080

@Jeff: One of your BEST threads EVER.


I haven't been around in a while. I know. Life has kept me insanely busy. I'm now in my last semester of nursing school. Nursing school crushes the life out of you, and it is dead similar to going to medical school to become a physician.

What makes me amazing?

I don't know exactly. I've been a lot of places academically, and I've also gone through a lot of institutions while working part-time this and that. I'm not sure I'd call myself amazing. I do know that I have the tendency to "stick things out" if I figure that the "cause or the goal" is worth it.

What am I proud of?

Maybe, I'm proud of...struggling for survival. I ain't dead yet, but I have no idea ( having watched autopsies, and buried my own relatives, some this past summer) why I am still alive. I cling to the word "survival" like it's my buoy sometimes. Maybe, that's why I love P!nk's old song "Unwind" and the stanza "just one more day, you can make it, babe/ that's what I tell myself/ and everything that I love in life is killing me, cause its bad for my health (insert SweetTart fixation, with possible diabetes worry over it, atop nursing school, and stressful relationships with my mom and others? Several life-altering disappointments that feel totally random? Anger at everything and nothing which makes no sense---and some of, it not all of it, now tied to our "new" political correctness from our tweet-provoking president?) I'm not immune to it all.


What are your big accomplishments?

I'm not sure. I'm almost a full-fledged nurse ( or will be in eight months, sometime next year). But the journey as a nurse is far from over. My patients have told me that they love me. My current workplace ( I'm missing work while being back in school) has told me that they "appreciate me" and that "I am missed." So I'd get bonus gold coins if I were in a video game, for that.

I don't know what my biggest accomplishment is, or what it is even supposed to be. Sad, but true.

I do know P!nk was a "lifeline" when M!ssundaztood fell into my hands at Walmart all those years ago. During these sixteen years of me listening to her raw perspective, I've managed to keep most of the self-hatred at bay just enough to prevent myself from worse options.

So I thank Hashem for P!nk, because that was one of his blessings to me. And I'm glad to know you all! I appreciate Diana, Jeff, Dani, Iris, Dennis, Michael, Döme, Natasha, and so many others whom I've met through my Pink family which is my second home. So that's great from my perspective.

Last edited by blackrosefore on 09-07-2017 at 02:47 AM

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Old Post 09-07-2017 02:10 AM
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Doogie HAWES'er
2nd Grammy Level

Registered: Dec 2008
Location: Seattle
Posts: 2318

quote:
Originally posted by blackrosefore
And I'm glad to know you all! I appreciate Diana, Jeff, Dani, Iris, Dennis, Michael, Döme, Natasha, and so many others whom I've met through my Pink family which is my second home.


I didn't want to quote your entire post, but wanted to start off my saying so glad to know you as well.
I was thinking about you not to long ago and wondering when we'd see you again here.
But I also know how busy you are.

Be so proud for what you have accomplished.
Maybe even not so much for what the accomplishment are, but that you are so motivated and hard working that you can make these things happen. It's no easy task.

Lots of people talk about what the WANT to do, or start of sentences with someday. You just went out and started making it all happen.
It has to be overwhelming as ***k.... Sorry for my language. But just taking each step, one by one and saying "alright this is what I have to do"

Me, I look at things like, "well, THIS would be awesome, but what I'm doing now is easier" my point is I get too content on where I am.
I feel like you are using life's journey the way it was designed to be.
Don't like something, fix it?

You've been through a lot and to me, your attitude just always seems amazing, and always thinking of others first.
I remember you made me a Birthday thread here years back, and I was like "holy ****, somebody actually cares enough to think of me".

I'm kind of just typing words and don't know where I'm going, but I enjoyed reading this update from you.
I'd also be interested in seeing a similar post further down the line.
I feel like your accomplishments are going to continue to stack and stack and stack, because that's the kind of person you are.

People come to me and say, "hey, what's new?" and I'm just like "ummmm... When did we last talk? High school? Ummmm, things are pretty much exactly the same, except now my knees hurt"

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Old Post 09-08-2017 06:03 PM
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Doogie HAWES'er
2nd Grammy Level

Registered: Dec 2008
Location: Seattle
Posts: 2318

I'm just going to ramble a bit for my entry.....
So.....

In life I haven't always made the best decisions.
I have a fair number of regrets.... I'm not a fan of that whole "no regrets" mantra I think it's OK to have regrets. Sure everything we do makes us who we are. I like who I am, and so many of my life's experiences add to that, But I can't say there aren't things I definitely regret.
There are multiple ways to get to any destination. Right now I'm OK with where I am, but I think I could have ended up in the same place and not ***ked up certain things.

Oh well....

Anyway. With that.
My same ability to make mistakes, has also led me to some successes. I do make decisions without always thinking them through.

I feel like a have a passion for certain things and people, it can be strong, and I can be somewhat of an addict to things. I can say I think I'm pretty cool for some of my adventures, especially the ones I did solo as a youngster.
Some of these places were places I maybe shouldn't of have been, but I have stories from them, and most all of my very best friends I have made while going on an adventure.
My friends from here all fit that category so much.

I wasn't dealt the roughest hand in life. Overall things are pretty good. Some emotional trauma here and there. Some loss . Bumps and bruises. Scars. But I know many people have had things far worse. I'm lucky for what I have, but I have been beat up a little here and there throughout the journey.

There's this. Maaaan. One of my best friends in life ever. Ryan. My age., Er actually technically younger (by one month)... I look up to him so much. I kinda feel like a little brother to him, even though I'm older.
We met each other during some rebellious teenage years. Both of us could have gone down wrong paths and ***ked **** up so much worse than they are now. We are very similar, but I feel like he's more zen.
It's hard to explain things without giving out specifics of everything. But he's come a long way.
Most of our old school mutual friends haven't had the same positive outcome. Some in jail some dead some just completely ***ked up in the head.
Dudes a big success in my eyes. And still we manage to talk a lot. Sometimes a stretch will pass here and there where we don't talk, but he's always there when I need him (again, like a big brother).
So this friend has saved me at some of my super low points. Whenever I have a breakdown, he has been there to make time to get me back to Earth.
And here's what made me feel so great.
Not long ago we were talking, sharing old stories and laughing. Most of the stories are stupid kid nonsense about causing trouble. He brought up a conversation we had, that I forgot about, the story was probably 10+ years old, but he told me how some of the things I told him at that point changed his life, and always stuck with him.
He said, "man, I'll never forget that".
It was great for me to know that something I had said or done had had a life changing impact on somebody.

That's the sort of things that I consider successes.
To feel like I have affected somebody's life in a positive manner. None of us know how long we will be here. Tomorrow may never come. But to think some of my actions could have a positive influence on people even after my time of passing feels pretty good.

I'm proud of my honesty, I'm proud of my loyalty. I don't think I have ever intentionally wronged anybody. I generally feel like I love everybody. There is nobody I wouldn't forgive.

I feel like my successes aren't necessarily things I can put on display. It's not like a trophy case of accomplishments like "I won this back in 1997 for blah blah blah", my successes are mostly the good friends who stick by my side.
Not everybody sticks around forever. But the people who have stuck around I almost ask myself "damn, you haven't left yet?". I must have done a couple things right here and there.


Minor accomplishments that have made me happy. I feel good about some of my design work from over the years. Shirts, Posters, Album covers, Logos etc.
I haven't made anything big in awhile, but I see every now and then photos online of random people I have never met wearing my designs.
I have seen people get tattoos of some.
I feel happy about my band days with REHAB, seriously some of the funniest times in my life 2006-2014. Touring, sleeping in vans, blah blah blah, road ****.
Working with/for a major band made me feel pretty cool.



One cool thing that happened last year or so was a different one of my childhood favorite bands sought me out.
Tracked me down, to make something for them for their upcoming tour. I had never officially worked for them, but they tracked me down.
That was badass, I had no contact with them, they hadn't been friends of mine. It was a roundabout way they found my artwork and I ended up doing stuff for them.
I never really got compensated from these guys as I should have. But it was kinda like checking off a little childhood fantasy, like "haha, you recognized me, *****!"


Ehhhh,
For real, such rambling.
I'm sure I'll edit this in a bit.
But I really love you all.

Last edited by Doogie HAWES'er on 09-08-2017 at 06:54 PM

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Old Post 09-08-2017 06:50 PM
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*CiaraDublin89*
Double Platinum

Registered: Nov 2008
Location: Dublin
Posts: 2017

quote:
Originally posted by Doogie HAWES'er

Ehhhh,
For real, such rambling.
I'm sure I'll edit this in a bit.
But I really love you all.



I didn't completely quote you incase you did want to edit.

I think your a really cool guy.life is not about how big your house is, how fast your car is, how much money is in your bank account or how meny friends you have but they actually hate you. But unfortunately there is still a huge amount of people out there that think like this and that somehow makes normal people feel like they never did something with their lives or never made a name for them selves

Everybody is thrown a different hand in life, Sombodys bad day could be Sombodys good day depending how you've lived your life or what you've been threw

I would say, 90% of my "regrets" aren't really things I've done as such more so things people have done on me, and I look back and regret having anything to do with them in the first place

I used to beat myself up all the time for not having loads of friends or for people not likeing me, but now I've got to the stage where I don't care anymore my partner is my best friend and he thinks I'm amazing he knows me. I dont need other people to think I'm cool or anything. If people don't get me it's really their loss. And I dont care anymore

My point is jeff be you. Your great. Whatever life you have lived, it made you the cool guy I know, never change

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Old Post 09-08-2017 07:17 PM
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blackrosefore
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Dec 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 4080

quote:
Originally posted by *CiaraDublin89*


My point is jeff be you. Your great. Whatever life you have lived, it made you the cool guy I know, never change



The last line from *CiaraDublin89* is so true, Jeff. Don't change who you are just because other people "look" like they are "doing better."

Thank you for the kind words, Jeff. I miss being around here with my Pink freaks. I keep not having time to spend on my own life. hahaha

Please remember this. Doing better is all relative. Life is all a gradient. What looks great now, is all subject to change, later. And since none of life is permanent, accomplishments don't really last...since there is always a new bend in the road,

Just try to be who you are, or work on being the best version of yourself that you can be. That's all that "true attainment" ever is.

Last edited by blackrosefore on 09-09-2017 at 07:59 PM

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Old Post 09-09-2017 07:48 PM
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purple18
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Jan 2007
Location: Hungary
Posts: 14026

I love how we appreciate each other and how much we encourage each other to not be afraid of who we are. ♥

Laur, i can't really imagine what it could be like to have someone like that for your mom. What i know though is that my husband has had a toxic relationship with his mom all his life and we haven't talked to her for 1,5 year now. And we are both happier like this. I would support him (with gritted teeth) if he ever decided to go back again but it is really better like this for now. I hope you find your peace with your mom too but always know that there is another way...

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Old Post 09-10-2017 08:20 PM
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Doogie HAWES'er
2nd Grammy Level

Registered: Dec 2008
Location: Seattle
Posts: 2318

quote:
Originally posted by purple18
What i know though is that my husband has had a toxic relationship with his mom all his life and we haven't talked to her for 1,5 year now. And we are both happier like this.


That had to be a harddddddd decision to make...
(I'm half expecting an answer like, "actually it was pretty obvious that it was what we HAD to do, so it was one of the easier decisions to make")
I understand both sides of this.
When a decision seems so clear, but it's also so difficult to set foot on the road that you really feel is the correct one.
I hate looking back on things and thinking I could have worked harder on this, or tackled that differently.
It's hard to "give up" on family.....
(Also, before I get too far along. I am not saying you and your husband have done any of these things, I'm saying things relating to my brain path. I'm sure you both haven't "given up".... There is always hope to fix things... That is also why I have give up in quotation marks)
What I'm saying, is I feel like anything like this, if I don't keep trying, I feel like I've given up.
I feel like so often I'm the first to say sorry.
Sometimes though, really, you have done all you can do, and that the ball really is in the other persons court. I know you and Mr Bison both are super caring. So I'm sure everything that could be attempted has been.


Sorry that you both have had to deal with this.
But I'm glad you have each other through it all.

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Old Post 09-12-2017 02:15 PM
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» Dani
Moderator

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: Sweden.
Posts: 54283

♥ to you all!

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Old Post 09-12-2017 09:56 PM
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purple18
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Jan 2007
Location: Hungary
Posts: 14026

quote:
Originally posted by Doogie HAWES'er
That had to be a harddddddd decision to make...
(I'm half expecting an answer like, "actually it was pretty obvious that it was what we HAD to do, so it was one of the easier decisions to make")
I understand both sides of this.
When a decision seems so clear, but it's also so difficult to set foot on the road that you really feel is the correct one.
I hate looking back on things and thinking I could have worked harder on this, or tackled that differently.
It's hard to "give up" on family.....
(Also, before I get too far along. I am not saying you and your husband have done any of these things, I'm saying things relating to my brain path. I'm sure you both haven't "given up".... There is always hope to fix things... That is also why I have give up in quotation marks)
What I'm saying, is I feel like anything like this, if I don't keep trying, I feel like I've given up.
I feel like so often I'm the first to say sorry.
Sometimes though, really, you have done all you can do, and that the ball really is in the other persons court. I know you and Mr Bison both are super caring. So I'm sure everything that could be attempted has been.


Sorry that you both have had to deal with this.
But I'm glad you have each other through it all.

it's okay! And i know it sounds horrible when i say it like that. Noone wants to "break up" with their parents, it is full of conflict and you always feel ungrateful and actually kind of hopeful that it can go better because it needs to because you share blood. Well, they have always had serious problems and tbh looking at his siblings i dont know how Mr Bison ended up being normal. They messed them up pretty badly. Living in a broken marriage and hating everyone. Of course they hated me and my family too from the first minute and then there was lots of conflict (not with me) but they ended up refusing to come to our wedding. Plus there are really complicated problems and i can safely say they are just kind of rotten and bad people. For now i can see that it is just better this way. He is basically in love with my mom though and i really hope we can resolve the situation with his own too but some things need to change first... i don't want our children anywhere near someone who screwed her own kids over thousands of times.

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Old Post 09-13-2017 09:36 PM
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Ninx<3
Triple Platinum Record Level

Registered: Oct 2008
Location: Slovenia
Posts: 3064

I keep reading this thread, but don't really know what to write about myself still. Maybe tomorrow, but for now I'll just stay creepy and read this without anyone really knowing.😂

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Old Post 09-14-2017 09:40 PM
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Black_Keyz
Moderator

Registered: May 2011
Location: United States
Posts: 6538

I have amazing perseverance. I'm still alive. Yay me

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Old Post 09-14-2017 11:21 PM
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Doogie HAWES'er
2nd Grammy Level

Registered: Dec 2008
Location: Seattle
Posts: 2318

quote:
Originally posted by Black_Keyz
I have amazing perseverance. I'm still alive. Yay me


Keep on moving. 👍🏻

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Old Post 09-15-2017 12:56 AM
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