Registered: Mar 2004
Originally posted by AlrightSir
Without any notice he was gone to work somewhere else. I got really sick the same day. Next day we talked, I told him. Next day he asked me how I was, in the middle of my sentence he started talking about himself. Next day he started ranting about a guy who he thought was hitting on him at work, touching him, and he asked me what to do with him. Seriously. To make me jealous? Just like we're 14s. I got angry. Then we can barely speak, I'm sitting home, doing nothing because I'm still sick, he's working but he never knows when and where he will on the next day. He usually do night shifts. We can't talk about anything on the phone. He blames me for not writing to him 7/24, not calling him. I can't really talk about anything because this hand-mouth-foot disease got me wrecked in my room but I'm always glad to listen to his work&days. He asks me questions like "do you miss me?". He checkes facebook to see if I were online and why did I not write to him. While he's working.
I miss the times when I could be myself and he could be himself. He needs more talks like "I love you, I miss you, I wanna cuddle with you". All day. I am his everything. He wants me to be his everything. He always wants more. And more. And more. But where am I? Maybe I'm not the person he needs. After 1 year I can't go on and do everything like we'd be 14. I can't run home, cuddle all day and all night, have sex 3 times a day then continue cuddling. I'm just not THAT person. I might not be the person for him. For him there's nothing but me. For me there's the world to discover, friends, family, school, work, hobbies and having fun. I need harmony. I need someone with a stable emotional status, someone I can go home to cuddle, someone who does his own thing and not a puppy who's running after me. I need an equal partner.
He falls apart when we don't see each other. He falls apart when he's not in the center of my attention. With him it comes from deep down, this emotional insecurity and need to have a MAN in his life who acts as a father and tells him every single minute that he's worth it and he's special. He was special for me but now I only feel exhausted by the constant expectations he puts on me. By the constant clinginess, the constant focus on doing everything in my life not to hurt him.
Gosh I was so in love.
I read this a year later cause I was just gonna confess about something but wow man. It felt like reading about me and my ex. I don't know how you are doing now or what's up, but if it is what I think it is it could be one of the worst personality disorders. You will never feel enough, and won't be able to do or say anything to make him feel better or safer with you. No one can. For me I was his whole world, everything, and I loved him unconditionally. And thought for a year it would be better. Gave my ALL and was always there for him when he needed me, but I had boundaries and was myself 110% and did my "things". He wasn't used to someone so independent that didn't feel the need to talk 24/7. But that's the way I was and if he wanted to be with me he had to accept to meet half way sometimes! However, it ended up that I found out that he was cheating as soon as I was away with my friends having fun or when we were in a fight. He had to secure his validation when I couldn't give it to him. When he felt lonely with his miserable self. Never thought that he would cheat cause he was cheated on once himself and it affected him really much, but never say never. I've learnt that.
I hope it works out for you two, it doesn't have to end the same way as it did for me, but just remember to take care of YOURSELF and don't let it change you! It's not you, it's him.
Last edited by » Dani on 08-21-2017 at 09:54 PM
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