Registered: Mar 2004
Originally posted by nooneanymore
I'd say that things that makes me amazing are my kindness, genuine goodness and resilience. I'm honest and intelligent. I'm extremely loyal and a really great friend. I'm there for my loved ones through thick and thin. I always try to understand people, why they are like they are, why they act like they act. And I want to connect with people and honestly make this world a better place. I just want everyone to get along and be happy. It sounds cheesy but that's how I really feel. In my family I've been laughed at as the idealist (even though I know they do respect me for that too) but I have always believed that it is possible to change the world and I'll never stop believing that.
I recently had my birthday and I got the most touching and beautiful card from one of my close friends. When I read what she wrote I basically felt like - if this is true I can die content. I've done my part in my 'small' life on this earth (even though there's so much more I'd like to do, many dreams I have on how to make even a small difference). She said that I have a unique ability to make people feel understood, heard, important and good about themselves. That even though we've met at uni and connected initially because we both were very concerned with and interested in discussing the dark sides of humanity - the evils that people do both to each other, the earth and animals. That despite this, during the years she's known me she has learned the most about goodness in this world - how some people can spread goodness around them.
So yeah, that's something that will carry me a long way. So grateful to know these amazing people that make me feel so good about myself.
I have to say that I'm a bit hesitant to write about my big accomplishment because I feel like I am in the midst of that process. I think it will be to get back on my two feet and live my life on my own terms, happily. After a life of difficult circumstances, then falling seriously ill a couple of years ago and basically losing everything I knew - to building my way backwards again. I've been through things I could not imagine was possible and even though I'm only halfway on this journey (or further?) I can say that it will be worth it. Because it's forced me to get to know myself in a whole different way and to really learn how to accept myself just as I am. Without being able to hide under a work or student identity, looks, accomplishments etc. Without any escapism. Just as I am, sick or healthy, alone or together, poor or rich, able or not. I know I'll be able to use these experiences as well to help other people. It's also made me even more curious and amazed about us humans - we can find our way through the most unbelievable circumstances. We can also make a mess out of nothing haha. But it'll all work out.
Life is tough but so are we
I had no idea about your illness. I'm glad you are feeling better. Hit me up on FB.
I know exactly what you mean with what you wrote about yourself. Cause that was my impression of you, the little few times that I had the chance to meet you and get to know you (except for online). You've always had a big heart and cared deeply for people around you (you helped me too!).
I can say that I was just like that too, a good listener and always put everyone's well being before mine. Cause I knew I'd manage, my problems are under control, I can help my friends (both my friends and pinkfans-friends!) instead. And I want to believe that I still am this person, but not in same way. Many many times this listening and understanding side of myself made me feel like I was never enough. I have a few close friends and many many many friends. And being there for my closest friends as well as many friends just didn't work for me. I know the passion and the heart in this, you want to listen and be there and help everyone because they actually say they need you and that talking to you helps them. A lot of people feel comfort and that is good but for me it was too much. One day I just felt like the worst person ever cause I couldn't be there for everyone. One friend said, you can't be everyone's hero, it's just too many people. And that's when I realized, damn, she's right. No wonder I feel completely torn. Have you ever experienced this? Do you know what I mean?
Also, what I've learnt, the hard way, from my last relationship, is that some things are just meant to be listened to, understood and respected, but not meant to be taken as an excuse for bad behaviour. I made excuses for my ex's bad behaviours cause of his bad experiences in life. And I accepted his apologies every time. Because I actually did pity him. And trust me, I am a person that is never taking **** from anyone. But this time I did, and I see it now. I didn't before. Anyway, what I am trying to say is that it's not always good to be too understanding and too caring, it can be dangerous too if it's with the wrong person.
Last edited by » Dani on 09-03-2017 at 06:57 PM
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